My everdearest Lola,
Twelve years have passed but the time hasn't healed the wounds yet. God knows how much I try not to break down and cry every time I think of you and how much I miss you. There are so much things I'd like to tell you and so many stories to tell. I'm sure you'll be fascinated and at the same time, frown on some parts of it.
When I think of how you ran your fingers through my hair or how you cuddle me whenever I go to sleep, I couldn't help but wish I was that little grandchild again. I have never been easy to look after to but you had the infinite patience and that overflowing love to understand me and accept me in spite of all my shortcomings.
I will always remember how you limply walked your way through my principal's house to confront her of her deception. You tripped and fall on your way but you were determined to fight for me. You believed I deserve that Valedictorian medal and you shamelessly fought til the end. You taught me one valuable lesson that night. To fight for what I deserve and worked hard for no matter what the cost. You gave me dignity and I will always be proud and thankful for that.
I didn't grow up as righteously as you would have hoped for. I made a lot of huge mistakes and God bless your heart, if you were here right now, I know I'll never get a judgement from your end.
You should see your two great grandchildren now. Anin's a little mini me but far more trendy and feisty at times. She's a consistent honor student in her school and every time I go up that stage, I always wish you were there to see it all. I know you'd say, she got her genes from me. Hehehe.
And there's Hael. Once you see this kid, you'd realize bringing me up was a piece of cake. Haha! This kid has the energy of ten football players but very very affectionate in his own little ways. He's very smart for a kid his age and I bet he got his genes from me, too. Just kidding, Lola.
It's really sad they weren't able to meet you. I know they'd love and adore you. Everybody does. You were the family's protector. You always made sure everyone got along and I can still remember how much it tears you apart when they don't.
You have always been loved by your great heart. You were the kind mother who would do absolutely anything for her family. And when I say anything, I mean ANYTHING.
When a family visits you from out of town, you stay up no matter how late it is and when I look at you, I always see that contented smile to see them home and I know how happy that makes you to see them gather together again.
Your joys were simple and so uncomplicated and I envy your pure heart. I pray to God He has welcomed you in His kingdom free of pain and suffering. God knows, you deserve it, Lola.
I miss you terribly.... I always do. There will always be that nagging pain that will never go away. I hope someday I can forgive myself for not being there to say goodbye and for not being there when you needed me the most.
Thank you for taking care of me whenever I got sick. Thank you for letting me know that boiled Coke or Royal Tru Orange can cure fever and that "Gabun" leaves work wonders for that cough. I never win that war when it comes to refusing taking those herbal medicines you make me take. You always win and I always get well.
Thank you for patiently enduring my refusal to eat those vegetables you cooked. You always threaten me with a tree twig just to eat those nasty veggies but you never hit me. You always chase me around the table with it but I would just laugh because I know you don't have the heart to cause me pain.
Thank you for always making me a warm Milo drink every breakfast though I throw it in the sink behind your back. Don't let me start with those oatmeal you made for me. They also end up in the sink every time. But thank you for all those efforts, I know how hard it is but you keep them doing anyway everyday.
Thank you for teaching me how to cook rice the old fashioned way. Whenever I'm out playing in the afternoon and hear someone screaming my name, I know it's time to cook rice for dinner... at 5:30pm.
Thank you for financing my first mini sari-sari store when I was just a kid. I ended up eating all my merchandise but you never got mad. I was a happy and very much full kid for a day.
Thank you for teaching me how to kneel and pray the rosary every night. Yeah, I do fall asleep in the middle of it and you'd always nudge your elbows to my side for me to wake up. Your friends told you I'd become a nun someday. They should see me now. I am way too far from becoming one. Hehehehe.
My list could go on and on but I couldn't be grateful enough. I always think back at my childhood days and I know I had the best one. You were a part of it and you made it happen for me.
Thank you for teaching me independence, self-reliance, love, patience and understanding. Thank you, Lola for being my hero. We all miss and love you very much.
Missing you everyday,
PS: They don't call me Michelle nowadays, Lola. I'm known now as Micai. Cool huh? Hehehe.